My Life (in weight)
I saw E post this last night and I thought I would blatantly copy her make a similar post. I think a big part of being able to live a healthy life and lose weight is being able to take a look back and see where your journey started - because my journey didn’t start when I started this blog, or even when I started to lose weight. It started way back when - twenty-three years ago - long before I was even aware of it. Wow - that sounds way more introspective than I was thinking it would. Anyway, let’s get started.
0 - 8: I am completely oblivious of my weight. My twin sister and I are born pretty pre-mature (weighing in at a whopping 2lbs) and spend the first few years of our lives being pretty tiny. That all starts to change at about age five for me when, although both my sisters remain thin, I start to pack on the pounds.
8 - 10: I start to realize that I am bigger than most all of the other girls in my grade. I start to get teased for my size (and for the fact that I am the only girl with boobs at age ten). My mom tells me that “it makes [her] sad to look at me” (gee mom, you think I got this way on my own?). I start to feel ashamed of the way I look. I don’t fit into any of the clothes made for kids my age. I start wearing my mom’s old shirts.
10 - 15: I know that I am big, but I have no idea what to do about it. I decide to become a vegetarian because I think it will help. I go through a phase where the only thing I eat, aside from dinner, is an apple at lunch time. I don’t see a problem with this because I was always taught that if you weren’t hungry then don’t eat. I wasn’t hungry - so I didn’t eat.
15 - 18: I must have lost a little bit of weight because I spend the summer after my sophomore year in Europe and I don’t stress over my size (although I am still chunkier than the average bear). I meet my boyfriend on this trip. This makes me feel pretty good. I pay no attention to anything I eat. Also, my parents stop cooking - instead handing my sisters and I cash for fast food - which we eat every night for dinner (no, I’m not kidding).
18 - 19: Even though I ate nothing but fast food for the past few years, I start college not feeling overly self-conscious. Partially because I’m walking so much and partially because I’m terrified of my dining hall, I lose about thirty pounds my first year in school. I weigh in at 135lbs - the lowest I’ve been in years. I don’t realize that I’ve lost this much weight. I still feel fat - and think of myself as a fat girl.
19 - 22: I slowly and steadily become more confident away from home - and my weight starts to creep back on. My boyfriend starts to notice the change and tells me. I freak out and try to diet multiple times over the next three years and ultimately fail each time. I graduate college having gained forty pounds. I feel miserable. I see pictures of myself from freshman year to senior year. I cry.
22 - 23: I am upset by my weight gain and therefore eat more. Makes total sense. I gain an additional thirty pounds in the span of six months. I almost don’t go home for Christmas because I am so ashamed of the way I look. I feel miserable. I step on the scale at my mom’s house - 205lbs. The highest weight I’ve ever seen on a scale.
January - August 2010: I come home from Christmas in California with a new resolve to lose the weight. My office starts a Biggest Loser competition for the new year - I join, planning on losing enough weight by August (my annual camping trip to a lake in North Carolina) to wear my first two piece swimsuit ever. That doesn’t happen. I lose twenty pounds - but then gain fifteen of it back.
August 2010: My boyfriend asks me if I’ve given up on losing weight. I tell him of course not - but then cry in secret because I know I have. I will always be fat. I discover tumblr. I randomly happen upon a weight loss blog. I discover the fitblr community. I fall in love.
January 2011: Shaping up to be the best year of my life. I’m down twenty-five pounds and have taken up running. I know that I won’t give up on myself - not this time. I have the whole fitblr community behind me. I can do anything.
