Fat Chance

So I wanted a snack earlier - and I was going to make it a healthy one.

I looked in the fridge and saw greek yogurt and I was all, “heck yes, greek yogurt with a tablespoon of natural peanut butter here I come!”

Then I started eating it and my stomach as all like, “who, bro, slow your roll. This is gross.” And I was all, “no, dude, this is delicious, chill the fuck out.” And now, hours later my stomach is still all, “not, cool, bro. Not cool.”

This is what eating healthy food gets me!

I’m just kidding.

But for real.

Part of my new healthy lifestyle has been actually getting my ass to the doctor when something is wrong with me. So when I woke up one morning and realized that half of my face was completely covered in thousands of tiny bumps invisible to the naked eye, I knew that I had to talk to someone.

Not really wanting to wait for my regular doctor, I went to one of those Doc-in-a-box places. I filled out all the forms, got my blood pressure taken, and was just chilling on the rolled out wax paper when the doctor came in. The male doctor.

I’ve got nothing against male doctors. I’d just never been seen by one before. It was cool, though. I’d be totally cool (even if he was kind of good looking).

So I told him about the bumps on my face. He looked a little like this:

And then, as I expected, he reached out and touched my face. I mean, there’s really no other way to experience the bumps. You couldn’t see them just looking at me. I knew that whatever doctor I had would have to touch my face.

So I sat there for, like, five minutes, with this male doctor rubbing my face.

He had no idea what it was, and told me to just wait it out and see if it got better or worse. Spoiler alert: it got better and my face is smooth once again.

Health and fitness is important. And sometimes it’s awkward.

tl;dr: Saw my first male doctor. He had to rub my face for five minutes to diagnose me. Health and fitness sometimes means things get awkward.

IT IS AMAZING.

Seriously, it’s changed my life.

For the first time in about a year I woke up feeling great (aside from the fact that I didn’t want to get out of bed). Usually I wake up and feel like an old person. Our mattress is starting to show it’s age an is dipping a little, which leads to my lower back being on fire most of the time.

But not anymore.

This morning, I actually hopped out of bed and got right to running, I felt so good.

The topper is on sale at Costo right now. For about $150 bucks you too could feel this amazing. No one is paying me to say this, by the way.

Reason #3,876 that Luke is my favorite person ever.

And I’ve already:

• Made coffee
• Packed Luke’s lunch and sent him off to work
• Fed the dog and the cat
• Went for my run
• Hydrated
• Eaten a bowl of delicious all natural cereal with fruit and skim milk
• Prepared for a work meeting

A memory foam mattress topper.

He said he got it because he needs to take care of me, and he knows I’ve been having a horrible time sleeping lately.

He also said that maybe if I slept better it would “make [me] not be so grumpy.”

I’ve never been more excited to go to sleep.

Luke to Me: 12:40pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHcUkc4tshA

also, i have a surprise for you when I get home.

——————————————————————————————————-

Me to Luke: 12:45pm

That’s so awesome! I think we need to teach Rusty cool tricks like that. He’s a smart dog, he should be able to figure some things out.

And you can’t tell me you have a surprise for me when it’s only 12:45. That means I have way too long to create extravagant scenarios in my head of what it could be.

You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?


PS: I’m recording Looney Tunes for you to watch. It comes on every day at noon. It makes me feel like I’m five.

Seriously, I am. Even if I felt like I slept for an hour last night (fell asleep during the Pro-Bowl, went to bed, had to fight a dog and cat for space on the bed all night, had strange and unnerving dreams, woke up with a dog implanted in the small of my back several times, woke up with cat hair in my mouth several times… you get the idea).

I went to the grocery store this weekend and stocked my house with excellent food.

I have a plan of action for work, food, and running.

I also have The Big Rock Candy Mountian stuck in my head.

It’s going to be a good week.

Working on my submission for The First Line magazine.

Just realized that there are quotation marks around the first line.

That changes everything.

Making the list.

Being stuck in the store forever when there are other things I should be doing.

Spending a ton of money.

Having to unpack and put away everything.

But right now I’m trying to be really zen about it, and it’s working. I’ve made a list of healthy dinners that I want to make this week, and wrote out the shopping list. I’ve planned for lunches and breakfasts too. Now I’m going to go to the store. No stress. There’s no rush. I can take all the time I want. And when I come home Luke will be here to help me put all the groceries away.

Zen.

I’ve spent the last week feeling sorry for myself. It’s time to stop. It’s time to just man the fuck up and get my shit together.

This past week I ran once. For two sucky miles.

This past week I ate everything I wanted, and way too much of it.

This past week I gained more weight than I thought it would be possible to gain in a week.

This week I kind of hated myself.

It’s time for me to get over myself. I’m not the only person in the history of the world to struggle with losing weight. I’m not the only person in the history of the world to get down on themselves. Other people have made it out on the other side, and I can too, as long as I stop being a pansy about it.

(PS: Manda, this week I totally talked the talk, but didn’t walk the walk… Forgive me… and LET’S DO THIS SHIT.)

And that thing is I get to make a list of awesome.

• AMC’s Best Picture Showcase details were posted today!!! I did this last year and it was AMAZING.
• I’m going to continue my epic Mad Men marathon - Luke didn’t want to watch it with me, and I’ve been waiting for two years.
• I HAVE to finish my story for submission to The First Line magazine - it’s a pretty neat magazine. If you all haven’t checked it out, you should - and submit something!
• I’m going to enjoy my 13 miler tomorrow. I’m going to use the run/walk method that Scooter told me about, and just keep it fun. I’m not going to get down on myself at all - I’m just going to log in 13 miles and be happy with that.
• I’m going to convince Luke to take me out to dinner after my run.
• I just found this gif:

My life is now complete.

Who else is ready to have an awesome Friday and rest of the weekend?

I fucking love you guys.

Your response to this post is amazing, and completely overwhelming.

This whole weight loss thing is hard. But it makes it a little easier knowing that there are other people out there who will go/have gone/are going through the same thing as you. That’s why we all have these blogs in the first place.

I’ll get through this thing. We’ll all get through it.

It’s just not going to be easy. Then again, no one ever said that it would be.

At first it’s awesome and great and you’re completely on board and up for anything. This time you are going to go the distance, you just KNOW it. This time is different.

Eventually you get into a comfortable pattern, and that feels pretty good too. You don’t need to bust your ass everyday trying to impress anyone anymore. It’s become part of your everyday life, and that’s kind of nice.

But then the comfortable routine becomes a little TOO comfortable, and you’re letting things slide that you probably shouldn’t. And a little resentment builds up. And then a little resentment turns into a lot of resentment and eventually you’re in the fetal position under the covers hugging a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and crying.

Just like any relationship, weight loss takes work. You need to shake things up every once in a while and remind yourself why you fell in love in the first place.

It’s this last part that I’m having trouble with. I’m just not in love with myself anymore. And not just that, I don’t even like myself anymore. I know what I have to do. I have to try and rekindle that fire that I had way back when. But that’s like telling a worrier not to worry - much easier said than done.

I know what I have to do, I’m just at a loss as to how to do it. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying. It’s just going to take some time and effort - and I have to be okay with that.

You’re the best. Did I ever tell you that?

Starting Weight: 205

Last Week: 172.2

This Week: 173

This Week’s Weight Loss: + .8

The facts are these:

• I really haven’t been giving a shit
• I really haven’t been trying my best
• I really haven’t even had the tiniest amount of willpower with food, at all

This weigh-in means that I’ve gained back 9lbs since my lowest weight on tumblr. It’s taken me three months to do it, but I did it. And it’s because I just haven’t really cared. I talk a good game on here and get myself all psyched up to do amazing things, but the truth is, at the end of the day, I overeat. Every day. I wake up, do really well until just before dinner, then have a snack I didn’t budget for. Then I eat dinner, which I don’t even want because I’m not hungry from my snack. Then I end up eating some other kind of snack because, “well, I’ve already messed up today, what’s one more _______ going to hurt?”

This all makes me so unhappy. This has to stop right now.

Watching the Academy Awards, second to Christmas, is the highlight of my year.

Screenshot of your longest walk/run of the week. (http://mapmyrun.com in case you don’t know how to map a run yet. Or any other mapping/GPS device.)

You in grocery store holding a pineapple and a watermelon. At the same time

Your super healthy grocery list.

Picture of a homemade smoothie. Your hand must be in front of it giving a thumbs up.

Recreate a famous picture/painting.

You wearing seven shirts.

You wrapped in Christmas lights. And them turned on. I’m sorry. I know you JUST put them away.

You in plank or pushup position. Outdoors.

Picture of you finishing your toughest workout of the week. Or a re-enactment of your reaction upon finishing. (My re-enactment: my crying after Rusty made me turn my knee and end my long run early.)

Do Life Dog. (open to interpretation.) Rusty is the ultimate Do Life dog: frisbee, running, fetch. You name it, this dog is up for it. And he puts up with my incessant picture taking.

You with an apple on your head with an arrow through it.

You pointing to your city in an actual atlas.

Do Life Cat. (open to interpretation.) Just my cat being awake is him doing life. I’m amazed he stayed awake long enough for me to take this picture.

You wearing your favorite sport’s team’s gear. Double peace sign.

You holding a sign with how many minutes you worked out this week.

A homemade painting of your biggest goal. No deductions for lack of painting skillz.

You. In a boat. I took this last summer… does it still count?

You on the top floor of a building. Me hanging out the second story window of my house. It’s a building.

I got to 10.35 miles when Rusty freaked out over my neighbor’s dog and pulled me and twisted my knee all up. It hurts so bad.

We are no longer on speaking terms.

The first 6 miles were actually good.

The rest of the miles sucked so bad. So bad.

You win some, you lose some. I just want to ice my knee and pretend like this run never happened.

• I slept in
• I made breakfast
• I hung some more pictures in my living room
• I cleaned my kitchen and living room because we’re having friends over to watch football
• I picked up the rest of the house

I’m starting to run out of excuses.

That means I have to just suck it up, get in my running gear, and head out.

Okay… deep breaths… it’s not going to be so bad.

• I’m going to finish the Do Life Scavenger Hunt and post all my pictures/proof
• I’m going to enjoy my long run (12 miles - gulp)
• I’m going to watch the 49ers play (I don’t even really care about football - but watching the game last week made me realize that I actually really care about my childhood team, weird)
• I’m going to read (book #3: The Drawing of the Three - the second in Stephen King’s Dark Tower series)
• I’m going to watch movies

I know, I know, my life is just way too exciting for you guys to handle.

What super awesome amazing things do you guys having going on?

bendoeslife:

One night when I was in 9th grade I ordered a medium pepperoni pizza and a two-liter Dr. Pepper from Pizza Pro. Large was standard; I must have still been full from dinner. 

Thirty three minutes later, the pizza was delivered and I sat on the couch to watch Meet Joe Black. I had never seen it but I had heard it was good.

Read More

This is almost exactly what I felt yesterday.

I always head into a run with no expectations. I just go and see what happens. Maybe this is bad - but it’s how I roll.

I knew that if I kept running after my Forerunner beeped alerting me to the one mile mark that I’d keep going until I hit 3 miles. My last few runs, I did the whole first mile and then just said screw it and took a walk break. I knew that if I didn’t stop to walk immediately after this mile that I’d keep going. And if I kept going then I would have to match my PR of 3 miles.

So I kept going.

And then I hit 3 miles. And I figured, “well, I’ve made it this far - might as well go a little further.” I wanted a nice rounded number. 3.5 sounded good. But I knew that if I looked at my watch and saw that I was over 3.5 that I would have to keep going until I hit 4. So I didn’t look at my watch for as long as I could stand it. And then I did: 3.67. So I had to keep going.

I know it’s going to sound weird, and probably really cheesy, but something finally clicked when I was running today. Don’t ask me to explain it now - I couldn’t if I tried. In that moment when I was past the 3 mile mark I just understood running. I got it. It made total sense. Like I said, don’t ask me to explain it now - I can’t.

Looking back, I probably could have kept going after 4 - but I was too in my own head at the time to realize it.

And I kept a pretty darn consistent pace, with a few minor hiccups…

1) Rusty had to poop

2) Rusty was attached by a GIANT lab - don’t worry he’s okay, but if I had been wearing my heart rate monitor, my Garmin would have exploded

3) I hit 4 miles and just stopped

4) I thought I had to pee, so I stopped to see if I really did or not - I did, so I ran as fast as I could home - which then caused me to take walk breaks because sprinting with a full bladder after 4 miles is not something I’m used to

And this was the fastest “long run” I’ve EVER had:

Pay no attention to the missing last quarter mile - like I said, I really had to pee.

tl;dr: Today I remembered why I wanted to start running in the first place. It was awesome. I think I’ll do it again.

There are not enough gifs in the world to describe how good I feel right at this moment.

Mean - Taylor Swift

Save Me San Fransisco - Train

Counting Flowers on the Wall - Eric Heatherly

Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows

One of the Boys - Katy Perry

Tonight Tonight - Hot Chelle Rae

I’ve Just Seen a Face - The Beatles

I’m in a Hurry - Alabama

You May Be Right - Billy Joel

Hold Me Tight - The Beatles

Times They Are A’Changing - Bob Dylan

If You Can Afford Me - Katy Perry

Shadow Stabbing - Cake

Self Inflicted - Katy Perry

Bad Moon Rising - CCR

Brighter Than the Sun - Colbie Caillat

Bubba Hyde - Diamond Rio

Slide - Goo Goo Dolls

Ordinary Day - Great Big Sea

Seagulls - Great Big Sea

When I’m Up - Great Big Sea

Cocaine Blues - Johnny Cash

No Such Thing - John Mayer

Bron-Y-Aur Stomp - Led Zeppelin

Dancing Days - Led Zeppelin

Harder to Breath - Maroon 5

This Love - Maroon 5

How Far We’ve Come - Matchbox 20

Another One Bites the Dust - Queen

Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen

Killer Queen - Queen

Love Song - Sara Bareilles

Move Along - All American Rejects

Getting Better - The Beatles

Good Day Sunshine - The Beatles

Got to Get You Into My Life - The Beatles

I’m Looking Through You - The Beatles

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da - The Beatles

The Ballad of John and Yoko - The Beatles

Hey, Soul Sister - Train

It’s a Great Day to Be Alive - Travis Tritt

Father’s Son - The Young Dubliners

I am now officially ready to go out and do 6 miles.

I woke up yesterday and my neck really hurt. I thought some IcyHot and rest would be perfect for it.

I woke up this morning and it hurts just as bad.

I can’t even yawn. Because it hurts.

What am I doing to myself while I sleep that is so violent?!

Starting Weight: 205

Last Week: 170.6

This Week: 172.2

This Week’s Weight Loss: + 1.6

This is one of those weigh-ins that just makes you go, wait, what? Not going to stress on it… not going to stress on it… not going to stress on it…

January Goals

1. Lose 5 pounds
2. Run 3 miles without stopping
3. Run all of my training runs
4. Drink at least 100oz of water a day
5. Go to the gym at least two times a week

Goal Assessment

1. 2.4 down so far
2. Have not been able to duplicate this run, but maybe I will on my run today.
3. Doing pretty good - only missed one run this entire month so far.
4. Doing alright with water.
5. I’m planning on still getting in weight training, but just at home - and not the gym.

SCAVENGER HUNT!!!! (this week’s theme)

I need photographic proof of as many of these things as I can. I really wish I had a friend here to help me with this - it would make this a lot easier…

1. Policeman/woman in your town wearing a Do Life shirt (2 points) or holding a homemade Do Life sign (1 point).
2. You sitting on or standing next to a tricycle with a racing bib on. In public. Bonus points for helmet and sunglasses.
3. Statue in your town wearing Do Life shirt (2 points) or wearing a Do Life sign around its neck (1 point).
4. Ballerina pose during your next workout. 
5. The biggest chalk Do Life logo you can make. Outdoor basketball court? 
6. Screenshot of your longest walk/run of the week. (http://mapmyrun.com in case you don’t know how to map a run yet. Or any other mapping/GPS device.)
7. You holding your biggest excuse on a piece of paper while defeating the excuse.
8. You holding the DVD of AIR FORCE ONE starring HARRISON FORD the BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME. Bonus point for your best Harrison Ford face. GET OFF MY PLANE.
9. You in grocery store holding a pineapple and a watermelon. At the same time. 
10. Your super healthy grocery list. 
11. You ignoring a warning sign.
12. You holding a “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob” sign at the local library.
13. You with 80+year-old. Both giving the peace sign.
14. $18.87 in change. 
15. Picture of a homemade smoothie. Your hand must be in front of it giving a thumbs up.
16. Recreate a famous picture/painting.
17. You wearing seven shirts.
18. You with as many other people holding Do Life signs. One point for every two people. 16 people = eight points. 100 people = 50 points. 
19. You wrapped in Christmas lights. And them turned on. I’m sorry. I know you JUST put them away.
20. You in plank or pushup position. Outdoors. 
21. Picture of you finishing your toughest workout of the week. Or a re-enactment of your reaction upon finishing. 
22. Do Life Dog. (open to interpretation.)
23. You at the most famous location in your town. Wearing Do Life shirt (2 points) holding Do Life sign (one point). 
24. You with an apple on your head with an arrow through it.
25. You pointing to your city in an actual atlas.
26. You in a music store rocking out. 
27. Do Life Cat. (open to interpretation.)
28. You wearing your favorite sport’s team’s gear. Double peace sign.
29. You holding a sign with how many minutes you worked out this week.
30. You with someone named Richard. If your name is Richard, you with someone named Lauren. No cheating! (“they won’t know his name is actually Bob…”)
31. You sitting in bleachers cheering on a game that’s not being played. 
32. A homemade painting of your biggest goal. No deductions for lack of painting skillz. 
33. A lawyer’s business card. Five bonus points if the lawyer’s name is Larry.
34. You standing beside a Ferrari.
35. Picture of you on a treadmill. (2 points if the time is 30+ minutes and you appear to have actually done the 30 minutes.)
36. You. In a boat.
37. You on the top floor of a building. 
38. You high-fiving the grocery store cashier. 
39. You in a top-hat. 
40. You running in a top-hat.

Push-ups

I can do 10 “real deal” push-ups. Need to remember to work on this…

30 Extra Workout Minutes

I’m going to get those 30 extra minutes in tomorrow doing some major core work at my house.

Aside from the fact that I thought my training schedule said 6 miles - not 7 miles. Woops.

I was actually able to lose myself a little bit and get my head out of it. So that was awesome.

There was some starting and stopping - but when I was running (which was most of the time) I kept my pace super consistent. No idea how - but I did. Somewhere between 10:30 - 11:00 when running. But my walk breaks brought my overall pace down a bit. But I still kept a 12:44 pace - which is the best pace I’ve ever had for a long run.

So, yeah, I’m pretty darn happy about that.

• I just found out yesterday that it’s a three day weekend - say whaaaaat?

• Luke and I have decided that this weekend is just for us - no friends, no working, no nothing - just us and movies and being recluses in our house

• I’m going to also trick Luke into picking a place and date for our wedding
• Maybe we’ll just elope
• Not really kidding about that last one

(this is how I feel every time I think about being married to Luke - not even kidding, it’s disgusting)

• I’m going to KILL my 7 miler tomorrow (really I’m just happy that it’s not 10)

• We’re going to watch the 49ers play Saturday (I grew up in the bay area - you were forced to choose between the 49ers and the Raiders even if you didn’t care about football) - if my grandpa were alive he’d be ecstatic that they are doing so well this year

• I’m actually going to write something

• I’m actually going to finish reading my second book of the year (fact, I read three books last year… three… getting an English degree and rip the joy of reading right out of you) (book #1: 11/22/63, book #2: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels)

FACT: you can never have too many gifs

Who else is having an amazing, reclusive weekend?

1. Had a pretty good run
2. Made myself sweat for another 30 minutes with some awesome strength training
3. I took the time to walk after my run and help stretch out my legs
4. I made sure Luke’s lunch was a healthy one - sometimes I get lazy with that and just pack him whatever, which is really uncool, especially when he has asked me to keep his lunches healthy. (yes, I pack his lunch - he preforms all the skilled labor around the house - fixing cars, fixing computers, lifting heavy things - basically all the stuff I couldn’t do no matter how hard I tried. The least I can do is feed the guy and make sure the house is clean. Okay, he doesn’t care about the house being clean… that’s all me…)

I’m so legitimately excited about this, you don’t even know.

3 miles in 38:15.

My pace was kind of all over the place - but it was still good. I ran the whole first mile, and then slowed it down when the top of my foot started to hurt.

I’m thinking I need to start doing some speed work or something. I don’t know. I’ve been running for a year and still feel like I’m a complete noob.

I need to remember to actually write these down…

1. I ran
2. I paid attention to everything I ate
3. I had a great weigh-in
4. I finally started writing something - even if it was only two sentences

I didn’t post these Monday because, well, I’m a procrastinator and I was feeling all lame and down. But now I’ve got my head back in the game, so here we go.

January Goals

1. Lose 5 pounds
2. Run 3 miles without stopping
3. Run all of my training runs
4. Drink at least 100oz of water a day
5. Go to the gym at least two times a week

Goal Assessment

1. Hey, I lost 2.4 in my weigh-in this morning, so almost halfway there.
2. Have not been able to duplicate this run, but the month is still young.
3. I skipped my run yesterday. I was having a little pity party for myself - but I’m back on track today.
4. Like a boss.
5. I’m actually considering canceling my gym membership. It’s a lot of money to be using weights that I actually already have at home…

Paying it Forward (this week’s theme)

1. I bought lunch for my neighbor the other day - she’s in the process of moving because of her job and has to pay TWO rents right now - I thought the least I could do was get her some lunch.
2. I’m buying flowers to send to my BFF’s mom. She’s a super awesome woman who spend all of her time taking care of other people. I think she deserves something nice - even if it’s just a flower.
3. BONUS: I bought a new Do Life shirt, which means I got two free stickers with it. I’m keeping one sticker for me - but I’m sending the other one away to someone that I think could really use the little extra kick of motivation.

Push-ups

I can do 10 “real deal” push-ups. Need to remember to work on this…

30 Extra Workout Minutes/200 Jumping Jacks

I’m going to get those 30 extra minutes in tomorrow doing some major core work at my house.

20 jumping jacks in - I really need to get it together…

Starting Weight: 205

Last Week: 173

This Week: 170.6

This Week’s Weight Loss: - 2.4

It didn’t start off that bad.

Actually, the first five miles were even kind of okay.

But there were five additional miles after that - and those sucked. Bad.

I was pretty sure that the toes I have to tape up every time I run had exploded and my foot was nothing more than bloody ribbons in my shoe. My stomach, which had foiled me the day before, was still cramping something fierce (and still is cramping - three days later, not sure what that’s all about). In short: I hurt. It was a lot of start and stopping. A LOT of start and stopping.

And no matter what deception techniques I employed I could NOT get my head out of those last five miles. All I could think about was running, and how slow I was, and how long I still had to go.

I know I should feel proud that I did it - and that day I was - but right now all I can think about is how much it sucked and how badly I don’t want to do it again. Those ten miles seemed to sap every last ounce of my energy, both physically and mentally. Now I just feel exhausted. The very thought of running ANY distance is enough to make me want to crawl back into bed and sleep forever.

I’m supposed to run three miles today.

I’m not really sure how/when that’s going to go down.

More later. When I can form complete and coherent sentences.

Ow.

I was just kidding about it in my last post - but it actually happened.

I got really sweaty - way sweatier than I should have been at 2.6 miles in beautiful weather. Then my stomach completely cramped up. Then bad things happened.

My stomach still hates me.

A lot.

I’m not going to be super badass dumb and try to finish it. I’m going to wake up and do it first thing tomorrow morning.

Right now I’m going to grab a giant glass of water and go hug my toilet.

I may cry.

Or throw up.

Or both simultaneously.