Fat Chance

I thought today was going to be shitty, but it’s actually kind of awesome.

• I took the VCLA exam this morning for grad school/teaching stuff
• My preliminary scores on both parts were 97% and 82% - so I’m pretty excited about that
• I ate an amazing sandwich for lunch
• I got a bunch of school stuff done so I don’t have it hanging over my head all weekend
• Alton Brown announced that VA Beach is one of his tour stops
• He will be in town the same day as the half marathon I was going to sign up for
• I’m waiting to see what time the show is (the venue needs to get it’s shit together and update their website) - but if it’s in the evening, then I am totally going to run the race and wear my bib and medal to the show
• Like a boss
• Luke and I hanging out with friends basically all weekend
• I’m going to be so dead come Monday night
• But, like, a good kind of dead
• I think
• I’m already super tired
• So we’ll see
• And here’s a gif:

I need an Alton Brown gif.

Anyone who finds me one will earn my undying love.

ALSO.

AB is doing an AMA on reddit right now.

I just asked a question.

Here’s to hoping he answers it. I tried to make it not about cooking. I can only imagine the number of cooking related questions this man has answered over the years.

I just realized that Alton Brown will be in town the same day as the half marathon I was going to sign up for…

I wonder if I can do both on the same day…

ALTON BROWN IS COMING TO VA BEACH.

My life is officially complete.

After meeting Stephen King, my list of life goals was looking pretty lack luster. So I added seeing Alton Brown in person.

LOOKS LIKE THAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN.

I CAN DIE HAPPY.

Maybe I need to start aiming a little higher with my life goals…

Your mental image of yourself is a really strange thing.

I went looking back through some old pictures of myself the other day and things got weird really fast. So, naturally, I thought I’d share it with you guys.

I was always a chubby kid. The funny thing was: I had no idea that I was a chubby kid. No one made fun of me for it (although they did make fun of me for having boobs in the 4th grade…). My weight was never brought to my attention… at least not until about the 4th grade when my mom said something, and then I realized I was bigger than the other kids and I started to feel bad about it. This picture is from the 8th grade (I’m on the far right):

Then I got to high school. Even though I slimmed out (not through any kind of diet and exercise - it just kind of happened), I still felt like the fat kid. I always had it in my back of my mind that I was huge - way bigger than everyone else. The funny thing was: I wasn’t big at all. It was all in my head. Please forgive my “Luke-why-in-God’s-name-are-you-taking-a-picture-of-my-fat-ass-in-a-swimsuit” face. I’m a junior in high school here - and I seriously thought I was huge. And not in that way that all teenage girls go, “oh, I am so fat!” My brain told me I was still that chunky kid from 4th grade and I 100% believed it. It was only when I looked back through these pictures the other day (nine years later) that I realized I was actually average/thin. If you had asked me last week what I looked like in high school, I would have told you I was a chunky kid. It completely blows my mind how wrong I was.

Then I went to college, where I lost even more weight without trying at all - seriously, weight just kept falling off of me (I know, I hate younger me, too). This is me after my freshman year:

But I still had my brain telling me that I was huge. And I still believed it.

Then I actually did get huge. This is me on the day of my college graduation:

And I didn’t stop there… This is me a year after I graduated:

The funny thing about that weight gain was that I didn’t feel that big. Not at all. I felt pretty normal/average.

And since then, I’ve managed to lose, gain, lose and keep off about 20lbs since my heaviest weight:

I feel good about that, but bad about my recent weight gain. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and I don’t like it.

The really weird thing is, though, I feel like now, for the first time in my life, my brain and my weight match up. I know I’m bigger than I was, pictures prove that, and I don’t feel good about it. But at least my brain is giving me an accurate depiction of my situation. I’m not huge - but I do have some weight to lose to get to where I want to be.

Hopefully, with my brain in check, I can finally start to accomplish something.

It was just a super eye-opening experience for me to look back through all these pictures and see the gaping disparity between my memories and the reality of these pictures.

I am not even the littlest bit hungry today.

That whole two weeks of not giving a shit thing really messed with my body.

It’s taken me a looooong time to get back into a regular, mostly paleo (okay, I like cheese…) lifestyle.

I didn’t expect this, though. A complete lack of appetite. It’s been two days since I was actually hungry - and I haven’t even eaten all that much. Actually, according to MyFitnessPal I have been woefully under my suggested calorie intake for the last few days.

When I was carbing it up, it didn’t matter if I was hungry or not. I’d just eat. Now, the thought of eating when I’m not hungry is just completely unappealing.

Bodies and brains are weird, guys.

I haven’t weighed myself all month.

Yeah, I know, I was shocked, too.

It started off as me not wanting to see how much I gained after two weeks or so of just not giving a shit. Then, even after I started caring again and eating well I just didn’t get on the scale.

It’s something of a minor miracle, considering I used to hop on the scale 2-3 times a day.

I’m thinking I may move to only two weight-ins a month on the 1st and the 15th - starting in June.

I’m going to be really interested to see what the scale says on the first of the month, but I’m not stressing about it - which is a total first for me,